This is a best seller and a must read for people who wants to improve their soft skills, better approach and understand people in a vast different scenarios. Here are my notes taken by chapter.

Side notes

Part1:

Fundamental techniques in handling people

• If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive . Don’t criticize people instead incentive them to do differently. . Assume poeple their best in that situation because we never know the whole context to judge. . “Don’t criticize them. They are just what we would be under similar cricumstances.”

• The big secret of dealing with people

• Sigmund Freud said “Everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.”
  • The only way to make people do something is making them wanting to do so.
  • Watch out for friends that flatters you. Flattery is telling a person precisely what he/she thinks of himself/herself.
• Give sincere appreciation.
• He who can do this has the whole wolrd with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way
• People are interested in what they want.
  • The only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and how to get it.
  • if there is any secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see thing from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

Part2:

Six ways to make people like you

1. Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere
2. Dog is the only animal which does not work for living. It get’s everthing by giving love.
   • The most used word is “I”.
   • We like people that admire us.
   • “its the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest diffculties in life and provides the greatest injury to others.”

3. Poeple are deeply interest in their own world, if you care about it too they will listen and care about you.

   • “We are interested in others when they are interested in us”- Publilius Syrus
   • Become genuinely interested in other people.

4. A simple way to make a good first impression

5. Hapiness is always welcome anywhere.

   • Actions speak louder than words. A smile says “I’m glad to see you”.
   • Smile even when on the phone. Smiles influences your voice.
   • Never foce a smile. It’s completely noticeable and creates a worse impression.
   • Greet and approach people with a smile and it helps people to associate you as someone who brings hapiness and wellness.

6. If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble

7. One’s own name is the sweetest word he/she can hear.

   • Remember people’s name and pronunciate/spell it correctly.

8. An easy way to become a good conversationalist

9. To be a good conversationalist you must be a good listener.

   • Remember, we like people that are interested in us. So to be an interesting pearson be interested in others.
   • You can make more friends in two months admiring others than in two years promoting yourself.
   • Encourage people to talk about themselves.

10. How to interest people

11. The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about things he/she treasures most.

    • Try to find what interest people and talk about it, people will be interested in you.
    • Talk in terms of the others person’s interest.

12. How to make people like you instantly

13. Remember that everyone want feel important.
    • You don’t have to take credit for decisions.

Part 3:

How to win people to your way of thinking

1. You can’t win an argument

2. The best way to approach an argument is to avoid the argument.

   • If you proven someone is wrong it will hurt their pride and feeling of importance, it’s not constructive.
   • A conflict is never ended by an argument but by tact and diplomacy.
   • When someone argues and bring some different point of view, recognizes and show appreciation to minimize the stress.
   • When people yell at each other, it’s not communication it’s just noise.
   • Look for areas of agreement.
   • Divergent ideas usually means different points of view, try to understand the other’s point of view not to prove you are right.
   • When you disagree and an argument seems near, listen first. Do try to understand deeply what the other is saying instead of judge as wrong.

3. A sure way of making enemies - And how to avoid it

4. A sure way of making enemies is telling they are wrong, know nothing. It deeply hurts the feeling of importance and self pride.
   • Even when sure of what you are going to say, offer the idea as a suggestion never pushes it. When an idea is pushed it means “I’m better than you”.
   • Respect other’s opinions and treat them courteously.

5. Always use diplomacy.

6. If you are wrong, admit it

7. Admit it quickly and emphatically

8. Be humble and people will have a forgiving attitude towards you.

9. A drop of honey

10. “So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend”

    • Start negotiation in a friendly way and it will influence on the other’s judgment.
    • We like to help friends and people who care about us, it’s clever to be friendly with people so in need a help is more likely to come.

11. The secret of socrates

12. When starting a conversation, talk about in common points not on divergences. Emphasizes what you have in common.

    • This feeling of being right is very powerful and should take place before the divergences.
    • Try to keep your opponent saying “yes, yes… yes” instead of “no”. Once a “no” takes place, a pearson will try to remain consistent with that for sake of pride.

13. The safety valve in handling complaints

14. When complaining people have a stream of thoughts that wants to talk about. Never interrupt them, listen everything first, wait the other’s person finishes first.

    • Encourage them to express themselves.
    • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

15. How to get cooperation

16. People like to buy but not to be sold. Most people prefer to feel that they are actiong on their own ideas not on what were sold to them.

    • Let the others take credits for ideas.
    • Ask for theirs ideas or advice about something.

17. A formula that will work wonders for you

18. Do not condemn someone for being wrong.

    • Put yourself in other’s shoes and try to figure out why they act how they do or why they would say something like they did.
    • If there is any secret of success it lies on see through someone’s point of view as clear as ours point.

19. What everybody wants

20. Three-fourths of the people you meet want sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.

    • Before you speak back to someone who has offended you or is debating you, remember to try and react differently than just anyone would. Respond how a wise person would react, not just any fool.

21. An appeal that everybody likes

22. 1. Pierpont Morgan said: “Rverybody usually has two reasons for doing anything: one that sounds good, and then their real reason.”.
    2. Use noble motives that impacts other people. Like mother’s love, children education, environment or any noble cause that people share.

23. The movies do it. Tv Does it. Why don’t you do it?

24. Drama. Dramatize your ideas it turns out to be more interesting and get more attention.

25. When nothing else works, try this

26. People love the chance to express themselves, their worth, and to show their importance. So listen to them.
    • Keep the door open to people approach you.
    • Stimulate competition so people will try to outreach to prove themselves. It’s better than pointing fingers with no constructive meaning.

Part 4:

Be a leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin

2. Praise before the bad news.

   • If you are firing someone tell he/she the bright side first and sinceres praise before firing itself. It avoid the feeloing that the decision were personal.
   • Imagine a dentist about to perform drilling. Yes, the patient is about to get drilled, but the dentist gives him Novacain to dull the pain.

3. How to criticize - and not be hated for it

4. It’s common to start with a sincere praise followed by a “but”. When heard this poeple might doubt about the praises. It’s better to use the word “and” and continue with no direct criticism instead encourage to the right way

   • The praise now comes off as sincere and may make that person want to live up to our expectations.

5. Talk about you own mistakes first

6. It feels a lot better to hear someone talk about their faults and kind of “get down on your level” in a sense before they point out yours.

   • Admiting your failures is a humble act. Poeple will feel safe to share theirs as well.
   • Also it encourages people to analyze their failures and change their behavior.

7. No one likes to take orders

8. Giving suggestions instead of giving orders is much more effective and seve person’s pride.
   • Asking questions instead of ordering make people to feel they are participating in the decisions and are effective.